Let’s Play Queen For a Day


Queen For a Day was that classic game show in which women from across the country competed for prizes by bitching and moaning about how bad off they were. They’d whinny stuff like, “I have 12 kids and 15 dollars to my name and we’re getting sick of eating birdseed for breakfast and my husband got stuck in a pothole and five of my kids are dating the other seven and I have a weird rash and…”

That woman would do pretty well, but she’d inevitably lose out to the dame who did the old “I have no arms and legs and the only job interview I can get is for the Rockettes” routine.

As you could imagine, the show was distasteful, vulgar, and patronizing, and I watched it every week! And now that the economic climate is so dire again, it’s time for that very program to be revived–right here on this blog! So step right up and give me your loudest, most annoying whine about your rotten-assed life. Tell me–truthfully, mind you–just what you’ve lost in this recession, in twisted detail that would make you eligible for cash prizes if this were really on TV. Uncork about how your 401K is suddenly worth shit and a bag of bar nuts; how your lover left you for a cow (I mean literally a cow): how the maggots burrowing through your eye sockets at night are now more valuable than your co-op.

Come on and grovel!