There’s been a tide of pre-emptive nostalgia for The Onion lately, given that America’s Finest News Source ceased publishing two West Coast print editions last month and still manages to invent magnificent puns like Bonotheism. So it’s in that spirit that I point you to this brief Death by Audio feature from Onion affiliate the Decider in which local guitar-pedal savant Oliver Ackermann does not reveal how to construct your own a Total Sonic Annihilation Superdeluxe effects box, but rather how to extricate yourself from that annoyingly constrictive Bushwick lease.
“I lived in this house in Bushwick,” Ackermann says, “and all sorts of crazy fucked-up shit would happen. At some point, some dudes broke into my neighbor’s house while he was there and tied him up to a chair and pistol-whipped him. One of my friends found him in a pool of blood. So after that our landlord let us have an open-ended lease.”
This could really come in very handy. [The Decider]