“If there’s one way to revive the city’s panic, it’s getting private school parents involved!” says Gawker as Horace Mann announces it’s closing for the rest of the week. Like nearly all of the New York public and parochial schools that closed recently, Horace Mann has no, as in zero, confirmed cases of swine flu. In fact, none of the students have even been tested for the H1N1 virus. But it has seen “an unusually-high number of student absences,” purportedly due to flu of some kind.
“The nature of the illness HM students have experienced is that while it is contagious, the symptoms are fast moving and resolved quickly — within approximately 48 hours,” says the Horace Mann press release.
That sounds more like Schoo’ Flu to us. We hate to say it, but the kids at Horace Mann are pretty bright; who wouldn’t want to stretch out Memorial Day weekend several more days, if all it took were a convincing fever-and-aches complaint?
Update. Commenters, including some alleged Horace Mann students, are enraged that we would thus besmirch their probity. A few even tell us to “Get your facts straight.” Boy, if we had a nickel for every time we heard that one! But we agree with them that the week before Memorial Day is actually a terrible time to be off from school.