ARIES [March 21–April 19] While reading a crime report
in the Arcata Eye newspaper, I came across this entry: “A
dreadlocked man attacked a lamp post on the Plaza with his mighty
fists, punching it while yelling and, in the memorable description of a
witness, ‘fighting amongst himself.’ ” I immediately thought of you,
Aries. You’ve been fighting amongst yourself with—how shall I say
this?—crafty ferocity. I’d be ecstatic if I could convince you to
call a truce, begin peace talks, and maybe even begin practicing some
crafty tenderness toward yourself.
TAURUS [April 20–May 20] When you Tauruses are at your
best, you get into a groove but not into a rut—humming along with
creative efficiency, not just going through the motions. When you’re at
the top of your game, it’s because you’ve surrounded yourself with
stimuli that make you feel comfortable. Other people may accomplish
most when they’re driven by stress, but you usually need to be at ease
in order to access your brilliance. From what I can tell, everything I
just said is a description of what will be happening in the coming
GEMINI [May 21–June 20] Research shows that if a
stranger gazes at you for at least 8.2 seconds, he or she is definitely
interested in you. If, however, the look lasts 4.5 seconds or less,
there’s no attraction. I’m guessing that the percentage of long
scrutinies you receive in the coming weeks will be higher than usual.
Your raw charisma levels will be up, as will your ability to make
strong first impressions. How do you plan to exploit the advantages
this will give you, Gemini? According to my projections, it’ll be a
good time to meet some allies of the future.
CANCER [June 21–July 22] The “mountain chicken” frog,
once a fixture on the chain of Caribbean islands known as Montserrat,
has become endangered through loss of habitat, disease, and
over-hunting by humans. In response to the crisis, conservationists
have airlifted a number of survivors to new homes, attempting to save
their kind from extinction. I think it’s time for you to arrange a
comparable intervention of your own, Cancerian. A sweet and delicious
part of you or your world is not exactly thriving, and needs some
strenuous help and care.
LEO [July 23–August 22] A Florida woman, upset that her
local McDonald’s had run out of Chicken McNuggets, phoned the 911
emergency service line for help. A Florida man took the same action
when Burger King told him it had no lemonade. I recommend that you not
indulge in similar overreactions in the coming week, Leo. The Drama
Queen or Drama King archetype is threatening to possess you, and I
suspect you’ll have to act forcefully to keep it away. If you’re
successful, you’ll be visited by a far more congenial
archetype—the Social Butterfly. And that would prove to be
amusing and productive.
VIRGO [August 23–September 22] Most of you Virgos have
built-in safeguards that ensure you won’t abuse power. That’s why I
feel uninhibited about advising you to grab all the new authority and
influence you can get in the next few weeks. It’s one of those phases
in your astrological cycle when you’re more likely to be in line for
promotions, new privileges, and increased clout. I hope you won’t be
shy. You may have to be uncharacteristically aggressive as you claim
your rightful potency and rewards.
LIBRA [September 23–October 22] In the coming days, the
delight quotient will be way up. I bet you’ll be more prone to uttering
exclamations. There may also be a mind-wobbling “What the frack?!”
mixed in there, although I think the emphasis will be on developments
that educate and entertain you. Since you will probably be ushered in
the direction of the frontier, I think you should find new ways to
express your amazement. Instead of clichés like “Holy crap!” why
not try something fresh: “Great Odin’s raven!” . . . “Radical
lymphocytes!” . . . “Cackling whacks of jibber-jabber!” . . . “Frosty
heat waves!” . . . “Panoramic serpentine.” Any other ideas?
SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] As I was driving out
in the country, I spied a homemade sign: “I have seen the truth and it
doesn’t make sense.” I’m guessing you might feel that way yourself
right now, Scorpio. You have summoned the courage to see the deeper
reality beneath the official story, but that has made you more confused
than you were. So you’re smarter and better informed, but are
nonetheless feeling less secure. My advice: Don’t flee back into the
fake comfort of comfy delusions. If you can maintain your poise in the
face of the raging ambiguity, you will ultimately be rewarded with a
big dose of cathartic clarity.
SAGITTARIUS [November 22–December 21] “Wisdom is
knowing I am nothing,” said Indian philosopher Nisargadatta Maharaj.
“Love is knowing I am everything. And between the two my life moves.”
According to my calculations, Sagittarius, you’ll be more on the
“knowing you are everything” side of the polarity for the next few
weeks. That’s because a flood is imminent. I expect you’ll be on the
receiving end of a massive outreach from the universe—an influx
of invitations, inquiries, and offers to make connection. You should
also be prepared for the dizzying pleasure that comes from seeing how
profoundly interlinked and interdependent you are.
CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] This is my pledge to
you, Capricorn: I promise to use all my otherworldly connections to get
your karmic debt reduced in the next few weeks. In return, I ask that
you make these pledges to me: You promise not to be a cranky beast of
burden or a victim of rank manipulation. You agree not to just follow
orders or passively capitulate as some bad guy with a nice smile tries
to lower your standards. And finally, you swear to feed a really
healthy desire that will ultimately help give your other desires more
integrity and nobility.
AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18] “We all have a blind
spot in love,” says astrologer Jessica Shepherd at moonkissed.com. “Never simple to figure
out and even harder to see head on, our blind spot is as unique and
complexly layered as we are.” But it’s not a hopeless cause, I would
add. In fact, you may ultimately be able to discern the contours of
your special ignorance about romance; you may find a way to fix the
unconscious glitch that has undermined your quest for meaningful
intimacy. How should you proceed? Well, you will need skillful
ingenuity, a willingness to gaze upon a flustering truth about
yourself, and maybe a little miraculous grace. And now here’s the very
good news, Aquarius: It so happens that all these things are available
to you right now.
PISCES [February 19–March 20] It’s a ripe time to
revise and rework your past, Pisces. I’ll trust you to make the
ultimate determination about how best to do that, but here are some
possibilities: 1) Revisit a memory that has haunted you, and do a
ritual that resolves it and brings you peace. 2) Return to the scene of
an awkward anomaly that remains unsettled, and finally do a duty you
neglected. 3) Make your way back to a dream you wandered away from
prematurely, and either re-commit yourself to it, or put it to rest for
good. 4) Dig up and contemplate a secret that has been festering, and
come to a decision about what you can do to heal it.
Homework: What are the five conditions you’d need in your
world in order to feel you were living in utopia? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.