The Best Lines Ever Spoken!


What are the wittiest remarks ever uttered–not on screen where they’ve been scripted and rehearsed, but in actual life?

Among my personal faves are:

“There is no there there.” (Gertrude Stein referring to Oakland, California. All right, Gertie wrote it in a book, but I’m sure she must have said it at some point too.)

“I don’t know, darling. He never sucked my cock.” (Tallulah Bankhead, allegedly when asked if Monty Clift was gay. Then again if Tallulah really said everything that’s ever been attributed to her, she never would have had time to do all that drinking and smoking.)

“I’m the new you!” (A rising club starlet to then-scene-queen Dianne Brill in the ’80s. Rude, but kind of endearing.)

“That would be up the butt, Bob” (A Newylwed Game contestant who was asked by host Bob Eubanks to name the most unusual place she’s ever made whoopee. And she probably wasn’t even trying to be funny.)

So what’s your favorite line–whether said by a famous person, your gastroenterologist, or even by yourself? Share the wit and wisdom so I can learn from it.