Thanks to all my years spent watching hilarious works of cinema camp–some of them even intentionally funny–I’ve compiled my favorite lines, the kind that can only be uttered by over-the-hill divas in too much hair and makeup.
My all-time faves:
“So they drummed you out of Hollywood and you come crawling back to Broadway. Well, Broadway doesn’t go for booze and dope.” (Susan Hayward in Valley of the Dolls)
“How do you like your coffee?” “Alone!” (Jeff Chandler and Joan Crawford in Female on the Beach)
“Half of his mind became Jennifer.” (Bette Davis in Scream Pretty Peggy. Look it up.)
“That’s just so much horseshit…You damn bitch.” (Ruth Roman in The Baby–one of the best not-good movies ever made)
“Somebody went all the way to France for this?” (Mariah Carey, examining her plate of escargot in Glitter)
“She misses us like that lump on my twat I had taken off last week.” (Lin Tucci in Showgirls)
Anyway, I should stop here before things get a tiny bit crude and vulgar, ha ha. But tell me YOUR favorite campy lines. And swivel your arm a lot when you say them.