Things We Hate–Touchy Feely


Some of us are from the Midwest, where we don’t generally touch each other unless we have a very good reason, like sex or a fist fight. So we’re abnormally sensitive. But increasingly, we’ve had waitstaff put their hands on us, often while leaning forward to offer some confidential bit of advice. We guess the touch is intended to be reassuring, but, believe us, we don’t need reassurance, and feel like it’s presumptuous to touch someone you don’t know, especially when the objective is to persuade you to buy another bottle of wine or order the waiter’s “favorite” dessert, which is usually some crackpot thing they made too much of the day before. Yes, we’re sure the mustard gelato with choke-cherry sauce is simply delicious. Now please take your hand off our shoulder.