Cheek, In Review: 7 Days of Runnin’ Scared


President Obama graciously escorted GM into bankruptcy.Enemies decried his kind words and big speech to the Muslim world, but it still went over big. Can’t touch this! We’re beginning to think that Obama’s letting total lunatics attack him on a government website just for the laughs. Patriots meanwhile hold out hope for citizen grand juries, which are currently working on his impeachment/stringin’ up.

Governor Paterson had some good innings: he and AG Andrew Cuomo ganged up on debt collecters, and Paterson stiff-armed the cop and fireman unions and cut a big deal with other state unions. But NY1 says he still doesn’t have the gay marriage votes he needs (and New Hampshire beat him, and us, into history). Still, for him, mixed is good.

Meanwhile shadow governor Eliot Spitzer smirked as lawyers speculated on how many prostitutes he’d had sex with (they spelled his name right!), and Kirsten Gillibrand got swarmed by truthers and backed up big time by the White House.

Mayor Bloomberg accepted the support of the wacky Independence Party and a cup of soup and an interview from the Queens Gazette. The comptroller semi-sorta-endorsed his balanced budget. When homeless people wound up in a luxury nondo, he let people know he wouldn’t stand for such an outrageous reversal of the natural order of things. Why, next thing you know, poor folk will want to live in Gracie Mansion!

Oh, in case you were wondering: these guys won in The Bronx.

In the wake of the Omar Edwards shooting, Graham Rayman talked to another black cop who’d been shot by a white brother officer. The New York Post beat up Charlie Rangel, then beat him again, for daring to jest about it.

Graham also saw the head of corrections, Martin Horn, step down — which was satisfying, as Graham had been keeping close track of what a nightmare his regime has been for years.

Crrrrrrrrrap! A 70s Home Ec textbook and a wacky amateur novel called Dangerous Dana.

The Tony Awards got student rush tickets, a green red carpet, and our advice. A toy gunman terrorized Princeton.

Elizabeth Dwoskin went to court and saw the timeless ritual of the perp walk win a new lease on life; also, a whale teeth theft prosecution.

Evil bosses got hit as Tom Robbins cheered on a reporter who got after a non-paying contractor, Elizabeth watched the D.A. go after another one, and Emily Brady saw supermarket baggers win a $300,000 settlement.

In Jersey Chris Christie got the GOP gubernatorial nomination. In New York, Giuliani loomed.

Someone Got Murdered with a knife in Brownsville, Someone got beaten near Tompkins Square Park — an increasingly common occurrence, Rend Smith notices.

And the usual fun and games in Staten Island.

Someone shot an abortion doctor; rightbloggers wept crocodile tears. Well, that’s not true — they didn’t weep at all. (Wayne Barrett held Joe Scarborough‘s feet to the fire over his defense of another doc-killer.)

Pretty much the same people attacked the Spanish-pronunciation-supremacist Judge Sonia Sotomayor.

Albany finally held an Atlantic Yards hearing, but the real action was outside the chambers as AY lost a celebrity architect and gained an “airplane hangar” and some more bad press.

The Sims went nude! Well, Barbie-nude.

Swine Flu claimed the lives of a baby, then two adults.

Darryl Littlejohn was vigorously defended but still found guilty.

R.I.P. David Carradine, Tiger Lily, and this week.