A school security guard in New Rochelle found out some kids in her jurisdiction were doing that crazy “sexting” thing she’d been reading about in the papers. She discovered one young lady at Albert Leonard Middle School had been sending around nude cell phone pictures of herself, and attempted to “confiscate” them. The options seem to be these: 1.) The guard, Donna Henry, didn’t know that confiscating a digital image that has been forwarded is like trying to copyright a LOLcat, or 2.) She just wanted to get her mitts on that sweet digital nudity, or 3.) both. We’ll go with 1.), partly because we’re in a charitable mood and partly because we discover that Henry was being paid a miserly $42,442, which would barely keep a journalist alive and probably prevented Henry from even having a cell phone. But, good news: while Henry is being warehoused in a cleaning job due to her “poor judgment” in this case, she will actually make about $3,700 more than she did as a guard. So you see, the story has a happy ending all around: a big “Der” story for the kids, more money for the lowly public servant, and an item with the words “sexting” and “nude” in it for us. Now all it needs is a celebrity nude — oops, here you go.