The Times‘ front page story on actual liberal Hollywood elite Ari Emanuel — super agent to the stars, brother to Rahm (and black sheep/bioethicist Ezekiel), and nothing to do with Obama we swear middle America — is laudable for its omission of the words “Entourage,” “Jeremy,” and “Piven.” Too bad it’s also omitted a reason for being!
The gist of the thing — written and ostensibly reported by two entire people, Michael Cieply and Brooks Barnes — is that in the past couple of weeks, Emanuel’s power has reached new heights. For example: He totally yanked that show where Patricia Arquette talks to dead people from NBC and gave it to CBS, and also “nobody wants to be on the wrong side of Ari Emanuel, especially now that his brother is running the White House.” (Translation: If you cross Ari Emanuel, puppet president Obama will unleash the full force of the United States military to cluster bomb your local Coffee Tea & Bean Leaf whatever that chain is called.)
Cieply and Barnes come to one obvious and one funny conclusion about why Emanuel is all of a sudden more ambitious than he was a few weeks ago, which likely isn’t true but that’s not the point.
He’s competitive with Rahm. “Ari wants an empire,” says one associate, presumably referring to an entertainment industry empire but one never knows so watch your back Canada.
Also, he’s dyslexic:
“If past is prologue, Mr. Emanuel’s approach to growth will be anything but conventional. Two years ago, in a speech at a gala for the Lab School of Washington and Baltimore, which presented him an award for outstanding achievers with learning disabilities, Mr. Emanuel described his idiosyncratic business style as being rooted in a struggle with dyslexia. Captured in a video now posted on YouTube, a nervous Mr. Emanuel said that dyslexics, if they overcome their disability at all, do so by inventing a path of their own. The effort ‘actually provides them with insight to find inventive solutions to life and in business that others when they’re in those situations probably never find,’ Mr. Emanuel said.
Mr. Emanuel boasted in the video that he now reads scripts for clients like Larry David and Martin Scorsese. More, even Mr. Scorsese would be at home in a state-of-the-art screening room in Mr. Emanuel’s house, purchased four years ago for $9.85 million, as a 10-year-old Endeavor was coming into its own.”
That’s a really bad transition sentence! And also: very random paragraphs.
But all is not lost. Cieply and Barnes might not have been able to get Ari or Rahm to comment on their breaking news, but they did get the next best thing: Charlie Rose.
“Mr. Rose, a friend who describes himself as ‘the fourth Emanuel brother,” acknowledged that something about Mr. Emanuel’s status has changed in recent weeks. ‘It seems to have kicked to another level,” Mr. Rose said. “A convergence of things has enabled him to be seen at a more commanding height.” (emphasis ours)
Just trust us, things are converging. Power is rising. And if the Emanuels were 20 years older, confused, and a lot less Jewish, Charlie Rose could be their brother.