Cute Animals Can Go Fuck Themselves!


Ever get a glimpse at a super sweet looking animal on a greeting card–or even worse, in person–and want to scream and throw things? Then I’ve got just the blog for you. It’s, which tells cute animals what’s what, reading into them for their simpering adorableness and big-eyed tugs at the heart.

On the popular blog, fetching dogs, darling squirrel mice, and even freakin’ lizards are told where to go, especially when they act too full of themselves and seem to think they’re high-level beings whose shit don’t stink. Matthew Gasteier writes the blog, and he’s gotten a deal to do a book version too, which pisses me off with a raging jealousy that definitely is not cute. Fuck you, fuckyoupenguin! I’m switching over to