Michael Jackson’s illustrious but weird life will surely be turned into a TV movie as soon as the sequins get cold. So I’ve been doing some imaginary casting and coming up with these fanciful yet mildly disturbing inevitabilities:
As Michael: Usher. They can digitize the surgery.
As the other members of the Jackson 5: Who cares? Do you even know all their names?
As Michael’s parents: Danny Glover and Alfre Woodard. Bring on the Emmy awards.
As Diana Ross: It’s too bad Michael isn’t around because he would have been great for this part. In his absence, I’ll have to go with Ashanti.
As themselves: Debbie Rowe, Lisa Marie Presley, Dr. Conrad Murray, and LaToya Jackson. No, wait, LaToya should play Michael! And then they should cut her out, like in Bruno!