I want an answer now! Why is it that whenever you see two people swallowing each other’s tongues in public, they’re always deeply unattractive? I’m not talking borderline icky. I mean absolutely grotesque, with three ears, one nostril, and scads of back acne.
Is it because the only way these troglodytes can get it up for each other is by doing it for a captive audience of strangers?
Is it because they so rarely get any that when it does come along, they pounce, even if it’s right out in the street in broad daylight?
Is it because pretty people can get it whenever they want, so they don’t have to turn their tonsil hockey matches into degrading public spectacles?
Whatever the case, I know this is not just a myth, seeing as I have been known to make out in public. A lot.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on July 8, 2009