Texting Teen’s Manhole Drop Becomes Metaphor for Something or Other


The story of a young woman who, while walking and texting simultaneously, fell in a manhole on Staten Island — which we saw in the Advance on Thursday, but foolishly deemed unworthy of comment — has become a parable for our times. A Fox News video feature on Alexa Longueira, who called her plight “freaky” and “thought it was like somethin’ out of movie,” and whose family is considering a lawsuit against the city, inspired the Boston Phoenix to call Longueira a “Trashy Staten Island Girl” who “doesn’t have half the class of Baby Jessica,” a previous, much younger hole-dropper.

“Being Stupid Should Hurt,” says the “Changing Culture” correspondent to the NY Examiner, who also calls her a “future Madame Curie” — we suspect sarcastically — and expresses disappointment that her friend who was with her didn’t fall into the hole, too; “that would have been rich.”

Six Meat Buffet goes further, advising Longueira to “cash in on this now, because when you’re waiting tables at a New Jersey gentleman’s club in your older years, you’ll need a nice nest egg to fall back on.” He also faults a CBS reporter on the story, whom he claims “excuses the little dimwit right off the bat,” probably because the reporter did not include fantasies of her sordid future.

Jazz Shaw “can’t get away from the overriding social commentary found in this story,” which he admits “I’m too old and dense to tease it out of the tale just now,” though he hints it has something to do with “personal responsibility.”

CrunchGear finds Longueira’s story “only marginally less hilarious than the man who ran into a tree while Twittering.”

Gizmodo cuts to the chase: “we are all allowed to laugh at this story,” they say, “at teenagers with their texting, and at Staten Island as a whole, because the girl is unhurt.” Just so! To paraphrase Donald O’Connor in Singin’ in the Rain: just slip on a banana peel, the world’s at your throat.