Animals Attack New York, Continued: Goats, Doves, Etc.


When we reported yesterday on those fighting, speed-singing finches that were being smuggled into New York, we tried hard not to make the obvious connection to the ongoing war between our city and the animal kingdom. But that was just whistling in the graveyard. The finches were a message. We have beaten their elephants and killed their geese; they have unleashed bedbugs, bobcats, geese, wild parrots, and cows (and, in the suburbs, killer chimps, wallaroos, and panthers) in retaliation. Now, another sneak attack — from doves and goats!

In the latest Biblical signs, two goats were seen wandering the New England Thruway. And doves have been mysteriously gathering in Flushing Meadow Park. The cover story is that they were left over from a wedding, and we are encouraged to sympathy with them, as they “don’t know how to find food, and are vulnerable to predators.” But this is clearly a ruse; the doves are meant to clog our overburdened social services network, weakening us from within. This is the sort of thing they can get away with in liberal New York.

It gets worse: a young animal sympathizer is challenging NYCHA’s new rules that would exclude many dogs from the housing projects. Clearly somebody — or something — wants to keep those pit bulls and German Shepherds centralized, and within hearing of the signaling bark that will sound humanity’s death knell.

Make very good friends with your pets, people. You’ll need someone on the inside when the new order comes to be.