New York

Ever Get This Email?

by

“Hello, my name is Mgabe Ungabwe, and I am your humble servant, an everyday solicitor in Malawi, Africa. My father sadly just passed away from esophagal cancer and as a result I need to redeem his fortune of $22 million, all bequeathed to me, as per Malawian trust.

“I am calling upon you, humble sir, to help me retrieve these funds, resulting in great remuneration to yourself (estimated at 12 to 13 million dollars, plus finder’s fee and also a chocolate mint on the pillow). Kindly contact me immediately, as I am in deep despair and in desperate need of your support and kinship and possibly some of your outfits.”

OK, I’m truly sorry for the guy’s loss–no, I’m really broken up about it–but why on earth would he be contacting ME–along with millions of other people–to deal with this alleged situation?

Why does he need help at all when he could just pocket the money and start partying down?

Who would be idiotic enough to fall for this shit, especially when it generally involves a one-way ticket to the equator with nothing but a printed up email from someone you’ve never heard of?

And why aren’t these people in jail, where they can only scam each other’s asses?