On September 26, Vienna will be home not to just mountains of high-caloric wiener schnitzel, but to scads of bad-for-you stars singing their love for Michael Jackson so they can gain a mass televised audience and revive their careers. It’s basically the memorial all over again, but without all those silly speeches and tributes.
Center stage, naturally, will be brother Jermaine Jackson, who is clearly seizing this as his chance for a comeback, and taking Larry King‘s wife along with him, bizarrely enough. Rumored to also hit the footlights that night are tarnished angels like Lionel Richie and Whitney Houston–yes, those are two different people–plus that dancing hottie Usher, who seems to really have special feelings for Michael way deep down inside.
But who else should be up there? Miley Cyrus working a stripper pole? Courtney Love throwing things? Celine Dion pounding her chest as Axl Rose smashes guitars? What would be the best show for Michael? A choir of abused children?