Fleshbot has unleashed the footage of Eric Dane, Rebecca Gayheart and some girl with their clothes off (NSFW), and the moral of the story is that you, our sexy readers, could make a more exciting video in a storage shed. The protagonists talk about drugs, dogs, and dance class, light candles for the hot tub (!), and never get it on. Don’t take our word for it: see What Would Tyler Durden Do, an expert in these matters, says the Fleshbotters “owe everyone an apology for claiming this was going to be a sex tape.” Have we grown jaded? Are celebrity nudes no good anymore without penetration? No, they fail only if they lack the elan vital of Ashley Greene’s charmingly awkward posing, or the trenchant scripts of professional produced porn. Then they begin to remind us of the depredations of the global sex trade, which is a turn-off.