No Facebook Page? You Hate Tweeting? I Love You!

You obviously have a computer–or at least access to one–because you’re reading this, and I thank you for that. But I will adore you even more if that’s all you have! In other words, I’ll perversely admire you if you’re as defiantly archaic as I am and you never bothered to amass a host of technological advances just because people who drank the Kool-Aid insist you have to.

You will get big points with me if you simply don’t give a fuck about being expensively au courant and never once bothered to:

*Twitter

*Have a Facebook page

*Or a MySpace one

*Have an iPhone

*Have an iPod

*Have a blackberry

*Belong to NetFlix

*Have premium cable channels

*Have any cable channels

*Have a TV

*Have an apartment

So tell me, kids. What don’t you have? Be specific! Make mama proud!