Help! I’m a Hypochondriac!


A few years ago, I ran to the doctor because I’d noticed a purple spot on my ankle and I was sure it was something extremely terminal. The funny thing is, I even remembered accidentally banging my foot against a door right in that spot, but I was still anxious to get the thing checked and be handed my deadly diagnosis so I could start learning some prayers and divvying up my estate. But the damned doctor insisted it was indeed nothing but a black and blue mark! Sure enough, three days later it was gone.

Wait, I can top that! Just last week, I felt a burning in my throat and became convinced I had some kind of horrific cancer. I ran to a specialist and had him shove various tubes up my nose in order to get a peak at my internal throat areas, 100% sure I’d have to run around sticking a microphone into a hole in my neck for the rest of my days. But according to him, it was apparently just acid reflux and I could take some Nexium or some other pill similar to it before breakfast! And try not to eat late at night!

I don’t want to trivialize real illlnesses here–because Lord knows I have some of those too–but can anyone just help me chill?