Oh, how we’ve missed Whitney Port!! Our recent conversation with the blonde reality TV goddess reminded us how desperately we were in need of a good bitch fight, and we certainly got that in last night’s season premiere of The City. The New York-based Hills spin-off is Sex and the City-esque faux-reality show that’s focused on Whitney, the young and determined beauty from the West Coast with an eye on fashion, and spiny, malicious waifs. And now she’s back with a new crew of heartless bastards. Bastard number one: Roxy Olin.
Roxy is a Megan Fox wannabe and Whitney’s old high school “friend.” She coincidently interviews for a position with Whitney’s new employer, fashion PR company People’s Revolution, owned by Kelly “tells it like it is” Cutrone. During the job interview, Roxy states that she’s way too “dark” for L.A.–she decked out in a leather jacket, after all–and is confident that New York will be an ideal fit, since she also doesn’t get along with girls. Perfect. Also turns out that Kelly and Roxy, are both Scorpios–in other words, both catty, phony, nymphomaniac backstabbers. Even better.
Olivia Palermo, the snobby socialite, is back. And thank God! She takes a meeting with Joe Zee, the Creative Director at Elle Magazine and he informs her about an accessories editor position at the magazine. Even before he’s through with the job description, Olivia accepts. Joe then introduces Olivia to the Elle publicity leader Erin Kaplan–whose chipmunk cheeks might just get her cast as the Joker’s sister in the next Batman installment–and Olivia’s new arch-nemesis!
Olivia’s first assignment is to create a fabulous, thrifty look for the everyday woman for a segment on The Today Show. How the daughter of a real estate developer will ever comprehend the term “thrifty” is beyond us. She attempts a beachwear look on a budget, choosing only one outfit: a drab gray one-piece from Old Navy with a wrap-around. Erin hates it. “If you don’t like the look, you can pull another one yourself,” Olivia proclaims, leaving the room in a huff. Erin is flabbergasted. We guess she didn’t watch last season, where Olivia’s a royal bitch to everyone. After Erin complains to Joe that Olivia doesn’t “get it,” Joe tries to smooth things over by saying they have to make it work. In other words MTV and Elle have a binding contract, and Erin is stuck with Olivia. Yay!
Back in Whitney world, her “frenemy” Roxy coerces her way onto Whitney’s couch and persuades her to host a party in Port’s new West Village apartment. What was supposed to be a small cocktail soirée multiplies into 50 after slutty Roxy isn’t satisfied with the men-to-women ratio. Her call-to-action: “Let me send out a mass text.”
It seems text travels faster than TV editing. Whitney arrives only to have a stranger greet her at the door and a packed apartment. Instead of Whitney having a fit throwing everyone out and yelling at Roxy, everyone’s favorite pushover queen tells Roxy she got the job at People’s Revolution, and waits for the cops to break up the gathering. Real nice.
And here we thought Whitney would have some balls by now. Note to self: Just breathe. It’s only the first episode.
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