They never listen. Even after all the havoc Mother Nature has wrought upon New York via her agents of our destruction, namely animals, people still insist on putting their trust in them — and not only the animals who pretend to be our friends, like turtles, but also those no sane person would hang out with. There was that monkey that ate that lady’s face, and now a woman has been mauled by her “pet bear.” She threw dog food over to one side of the animal’s pen, just like she did every day, but this time the bear apparently got fed up. There will be all kinds of heart-warming follow-up on this story but the bottom line is: don’t consider or treat wild goddamn animals like your magical friends from My Little Pony. They don’t really love you — they’re just interested to know what else you’re going to do for them before they eat you.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on October 5, 2009