The terrible thing about the alleged new coolness of Brooklyn — aside from the escalating rents and increasing population of young collegiate dolts — is that the outside world is now bringing its aesthetic hideosities to our tree-lined streets. First it was the threat of a Brooklyn Sex & The City that curdled our blood. Now we learn that schlockmeister Andrew Lloyd Webber wants to do a sequel — or, as he likes to think of it, a “standalone piece” based on “unfinished business” — that will bring the Phantom of the Freaking Opera to Coney Island.
In Love Never Dies, set to open in London in March (we are certainly doomed to see it here eventually), the Phantom, who lost his true love in the long-running original, will “haunt the fairgrounds of Coney Island, far across the Atlantic,” at the turn of the last century while wearing (the CD cover suggests) Marilyn Manson makeup. Moo-wa-ha-ha! See the man in the mask ride the Steeplechase! While singing about how lonely he is! Mayhap he will kidnap a sassy bathing beauty from the Lower East Side. Moo-wa-ha-retch.
We might have gone for it had Webber used the title he once heard suggested for the sequel: “Ugly Bastard 2.” As it is, we’ll only relent it the show is performed at Coney, and has an interactive Shoot-The-Freak feature.