Staten Islanders Take (Traffic) Law into Own Hands, DIY Speed Bumps


The folks on Staten Island are the freewheeling DIY types, as was revealed by the homemade speed bumps that recently appeared on Locust Avenue in New Dorp. The residents, who worry about fast and reckless drivers on their street where their children play, and have seen the apparently feeble safety signs placed by the so-called “government” ignored or even rammed by drivers, concocted the safety-painted gravel lumps in the dead of night.

Neighbors were grilled about the informal and illegal roadwork, but held to omerta, though they allowed as how “‘whoever’ put the speed bump in did so with good intentions.” DOT goons quickly removed the bumps. (They’re usually a lot slower about doing roadwork in the Forgotten Borough.)

The bumps are believed to have been made from the bodies of local mobsters. (Ha! Just kidding. Staten Island joke!)