Crazy Yankee Chick: PAP SMEAR


Karma’s a cruel mistress.

A bitch, even.

There is something to be said for honoring the Code of War. Hnoor among thieves, etc. As much as I wanted to, I refrained from texting asinine comments to my Sox fan buddies. I doubt they would show me the same courtesy. Actually, I know they wouldn’t. But that’s what makes us Yankee fans and them Sux fans.

Well, that, and the fact that we’re still playing baseball for at least the next few days.

About an hour ago, the Anaheim Angels completed their seamless sweep of the Boston Red Sux, allowing them to advance to the ALCS to play either the Twins or the Yankees.

You may remember the Red Sux as the team that beat the Yankees for the first 8 times they met this year, and unwisely decided to parlay this minor feat into a burgeoning campaign marked by sloppy arrogance and banal trashtalking.

Now you may know them as the team that had to sneak into the playoffs on a Wlid Card bid, squandering their 3-game lead over the Yankees at the All Star break, and ending up 8 games back at season’s end.

In their defense, the Angels are a tough team. But, if memory, isn’t this the same team they smugly scoffed at playing?

Not that I’m one to wax rational, but I think it may behoove the Boston fanbase to stop hanging on the coattails of curses.

First, you couldn’t beat the Yankees because of the Babe Ruth curse. And you whined and moaned and pouted so consistently that the collective sound replaced “All Hail to Massachussetts” as the official state song.

Then, you stumble into the playoffs and swiftly fling the sweat off your brow because, Phew! It’s only the Angels, the second best team in baseball! No worries, fortune favors the ill-prepared team that has historically had a winning record.

HOWEVAH, curses only take you so far before you gotta score some runs, morons. In the first 18 innings of the series, the Sux only posted 1 run on the board. Today, it looked like they were going to give their Fenway Faithfuls [sic] a good show. If nothing else, it gave TBS the opportunity to showcase their knowledge of the Red Sox’s big comeback in 2004.

(Which, for the record, was NOT the first time a team has come from 3 games back. I don’t understand why prior to the Sox accomplishing this, why the 1942 Maple Leafs and 1975 Islanders got the shaft in the little 0-3 logo on screen.)

Regardless of what happens for the rest of the year, you can be sure the Sox will remained handcuffed to this coup in their insistence that the Yankees Suck. Sigh.

(In fact, I went out with my Red Sux buddy on Friday night, who I hadn’t seen in a decade, and the first item on the conversation docket was “Yeah, well who’s won more World Series this century? Even if the Yankees win this, you’ll still just be tied with us.” Ah, yes. The Great World Series Tally of This Century…the true measure of franchise success.)

It looked like Boston was going to stave off elimination at least until Monday, when they took a commanding 5-1 lead that they held until their much hyped bullpen took over.

Clay Buchholz pitched a great game, giving up only 1 run over 6 innings, and letting up no ground in his efforts to have the weirdest bone structure in major league baseball. Then Daniel “Triple Digit Fastball Equals Unhittable, Right? RiGHT?” Bard steps in, gets the double play, but not without allowing Torii Hunter to score. 5-2.

Then late season acquisition Billy Wagner comes in, and whose brainchild was this purchase? Everyone gives the Yanks hell for picking up washed up players, but this is bad even for us. In a turn of events surprising to no one who’s actually followed the Mets in the last few years, Billy puts 2 runners on.

Doesn’t this whole scenario look uncannily like your classic Mets choke? I mean, no one has a better than then Mets if you chop off the 8th and 9th inning of the game. I swear to God, I think Wagner dragged his Mets-ness with him to the Sux. Like he’s Pigpen with his everpresent cloud of filth. (Not the good kind.)

But he does get 2 outs, and in comes Jonathan “What! I’m quirky and irreverant and just what I think without giving a shit” Papelbon to get the final 4 outs of the game.

When the TBS announcers tired of the whole 0-3 comeback stat (which actually had little to no relevance here, in a 5-game series, but I guess blatant Sox supporters aren’t about to be slowed by logic), then they moved on to their 2nd favorite stat: Papelbon has never let up a run in the postseason! Ever!

Enter jinx.
Exit commanding lead.

With 2 outs, Papelbon lets up a single to Juan Rivera to score Bobby Abreu and Vladimir Guerrera. 5-4 game.

(Papelbon, meanwhile, is still maintaining his “Yeah, what’s up, I DOMINATE!” pursed lips look.)

Ok, now that the season’s over, I think it’s a reasonable question to ask where the hell the whole Boston’s Got the Bullpen Edge rumor originated from. I’m not even saying this to be a jackass. At what point was the Sox relief staff superior?

At any rate, the Sox scored again in the bottom of the 8th off Mike Lowell’s RBI single, and the booth is able to move on to their next favorite hackneyed expression, about runs in the previous inning that are really looming large now, huh!

So it looks like we’re heading to a Game 4 in Fenway, but not without doling out copious amounts of credit to the Fenways Faithfuls who stayed to watch the game. No one was more pissed about Obama’s Nobel Prize awarding than the true deservers of this honor–the fans in Boston who go to the game and stay to watch it.

The bottom of the 9th rolls around and we start the “and the Red Sox are 1 strike away from forcing a Game 4.” That’s right. ONE STRIKE. 2 OUTS. And a 2 run lead. And Papelbon gives up 3 runs.

Who sucks in the clutch NOW, jackass?

Enjoy the offseason, Red Sux Nation.

Read 2009 Baseball Throwdown coverage for Boston Red Sox, St. Louis Cardinals, Minnesota Twins, Colorado Rockies, Los Angeles Dodgers, and Anaheim Angels.