Latest Skirmish in Man vs. Nature: Hurled Hamsters in Staten Island


The backlash is understandable; after so many incursions against New York by the forces of nature — not only animal, but vegetable; the mineral wing of nature appears to sitting this out — some hotheaded humans take matters into their own hands, burning kittens, beating chihuahuas, and now hurling hamsters. This new offense comes from Staten Island, where Ujenio Ayala got into a fight with his daughter and, unaccountably, started throwing her hamsters around. The little rodents must be more resilient than we thought, because they appear to have survived.

Ayala is charged with third-degree assault, endangering the welfare of a child, fourth-degree criminal possession of a weapon and third-degree harassment, but the wrath of Mother Nature will be still more terrible when it comes. The wandering, mutilated goat is a warning. Why does no one see but us?