Crazy Yankee Chick: New York Water Torture


“Go to This is why I never liked kites.” –My sister explaining her fear of being carried off into the open skies

“I have done no work today bc I’ve been on since 10 this morning. Think my boss is just happy it’s not youtube.” –My buddy explaining his fear of a 3-man rotation

Game previews have been replaced with a different kind of analysis, and it’s not looking good.

The storm’s rolling in. A literal one. All day. It’s not even like “chance of showers,” so much as it’s getting billed as just “showers.” Hell, at 5am and 6am this morning, the forecast is 100% . Which kills me, because how can that be? Nothing is 100% ever. Why can’t the powers that be in weather do what normal people do, and say “99.9% chance”?

We go to town on athletes who guarantee wins, but it’s completely acceptable for weathermen. Which is neither here, nor there, and not really important, nor is the early morning forecast. Actually, the only time the precipitation outlook means anything is around 5:30pm–2 hours before game time.

The tarp better be on the field as I’m typing this.

With no one to direct my irritation towards, Mother Nature works. And since I’ve been assigning irrational blame to “her” all day, I think I’ve reached the point where I’m starting to think “she”‘s actually a real person.

A real person who screwed us out of 1/3 of the summer, and who now is being cute during the most important time of the year, much in the same way some chicks will dress loaded for bear, during NFL Sundays, in a [frutiless] attempt to avert the attention away from the TVs.

Friday-Saturday-Sunday: Raining til it can’t rain no mo’. It’s “Yankee weather” according to Posada, which makes approximately zero sense to me. Yankee weather is cold rain? I guess he would know better than me. I would have thought rain got filed alongside Halladay, the Angels, and rookie pitchers in the Yankee Kryptonite silo.

(For some unknown reason, there is absolutely nothing on the internet that gives me rain delay stat access at my fingertips. HOWEVAH, I will say from watching 99.9% of the games this year, that the Yanks don’t seem to fare well in precipitation.)

I know. Cutting edge analysis. But put it this way, the Yankees sat through a 5 and a half hour rain delay in June. And then loyal fans were rewarded by seeing them lose to the Nationals.

It’s understandable why Yankee fans would be a little agitated right now. (Also understandable why non-Yankee fans are a little giddy.)

Our 3-man rotation that was very specifically designed to fit CC into the series as much as possible…will be shot to hell in the event of postponement tomorrow. That’s what Girardi gets for thinking he could be the first human being to discover a way to “fit in” CC anywhere.

If tomorrow’s game is moved to Saturday, Saturday’s game moves to Sunday night. Then Monday’s day game could get moved to Monday night, but that would be a new breed of Satanic. I can’t even find the energy to unpack my cell phone charger after flying cross-country, let alone play a full 9 innings of as-close-as-you-can-get-to-must-win-without-actually-being-must-win baseball.

More likely scenario: Games 3, 4, and 5 are Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Wednesday had originally been the magic off-day and the linchpin of this risky 3-man rotation strategy. No off-day, no full rest, and we’re back to trying to find ways to shoehorn all 300lbs of CC’s ace-ness into a 7-game series at least twice.

Even THIS schedule is in flux, though, since the rain is slated to go straight through the weekend, therefore threatening Sunday’s scheduled match, too. And, to be sure, we got temperatures dancing around 40. Windy, too.

So, when I spread everything out in front of me, here’s what I’m seeing:

2007: Swarm of midges
2008: Missed playoffs (“the darkness”)
2009: Torrential downpour
2009: Epidemic of sick goats wandering around the Bronx

If there’s a blackout in the cards, or a skin boil epidemic that starts sprouting up, the whole “baseball is my religion” tenet takes on disconcerting meanings. And I know as much as anyone that God’s a Yankee fan, but I’d be lying if I said the fact we’re playing the ANGELS isn’t a bit unsettling.

Yet not as unsettling as the thought that I just sat through 3 days of no [Yankee] baseball, and instead of capitalizing on that time to calm down, I used it to create, revise, and destroy about 9 different iterations of a Pro/Con table or head-to-head comparison. My office space looks like one of those writer’s block cliches.

And now I may or may not have to wait more time. INDEFINITELY. Grumble, grumble.

As much as that will kill me, and as much as that kills the structured planning crucial to this round…I’m not worried about the rain.

It may throw everything into turmoil and change the scheduling, pitchers, and who knows what else, but it hasn’t changed my mind: I still say Yankees in 4.

Read 2009 Baseball Throwdown coverage for the New York Yankees, Los Angeles Dodgers, and Anaheim Angels.