Curb Your Enthusiasm‘s funny Susie Essman had the answer in a performance she gave at a benefit for ChairScholars Foundation the other night (though she was specifically talking about straight guys; Yes, I do cover the other side once in a while).
Susie said that if you have a terrier, you’re most certainly a premature ejaculator.
A dachsund? “That’s a no-brainer,” she cracked. “It’s a hot dog.”
A boxer? “You’re needy.”
A mutt? “Abandonment issues.”
A toy poodle or a shih tzu? “You’re a keeper! If you’re secure enough in your sexuality to carry around a faggy little dog like that, you’re good in bed.”
And finally, what if you have a cocker spaniel? “You’re a lesbian!”