Cheek, in Review: 7 Days of Runnin’ Scared


Twitpic via DanaBoscorelli.

Up, Up and Awry! The Balloon Boy and his wacky father helped keep our minds off the real world, which sucked even more than usual.

In national news, the Nobel Peace Prize continued its deadly rampage across America. But don’t despair, rightbloggers: President Obama scored a shockingly-low 15th in the “Hottest Heads of State.” And he was seen dancing with Thalia, which has gotta hurt him with Hispanics, and refusing to hang out with hippies, which has gotta hurt him with the senior citizens.

While the White House battled Fox News, to their mutual benefit, the Republican National Committee blacked up its web site. Then they made it girlier. A wise guy (suggested another version.)

Mayor Bloomberg continued to dump all the dirt that $65 million can buy on Bill Thompson. Some commentators noticed the hypocrisy. Still Bloomberg graciously consented to a debate. Thompson wasn’t blameless but Bloomberg was shameless. Then Reverend Billy — one of several non-corporate candidates excluded from the debate, and still pumped from a recent Stella D’oro protest — came in and spoke truth to power. Suddenly things looked bad for Bloomberg! His buddy Bruce Ratner got hit with another legal challenge to the Atlantic Yards boondoggle, and it was revealed the new jobs he brags about are mostly at poverty wages. Thank God he’s still got his nannying and Rudolph Giuliani to keep him occupied.

New York state sucks so bad, cutting $5 billion from the budget is like squirting Bactine into a sucking chest wound. It sucks so bad Rick Lazio thinks he can be governor of it, and pushes a Constitutional convention to that end. And its kids ain’t so smart, either.

And stimulus jobs? Eh, not so much.

Upstate, the Republican and the Conservative candidates for Congress beat each other up and the Democrat gained the lead. Also, Chris Christie was kicking Jon Corzine‘s ass in the Jersey governor’s race, but then Chris Daggett showed up (cynics might say, “then Chris Christie showed up”) and now Corzine has the lead. Thanks, Tea Party people! You really are saving America. We can’t wait to see how your NFL boycott goes, either.

Hiram Monserrate got away with it. But he may wind up with a life sentence anyway. That is, until his next “accident.”

But the question remains: how will America handled Meghan McCain‘s tits?

Breaking: the rich get richer!

MTA service sucked last weekend — and during the Transit Workers Union‘s Day of Outrage Wednesday, though the press didn’t notice.

Someone got murdered at Henry Hudson Parkway and West 96th in Manhattan, and at a donut shop on Parkside Avenue and 86th Street and 21st Avenue in Brooklyn.

Very interesting Studies in Crap: a 1916 Scientific American looks ahead to our horrible present.

CrazyYankee Chick continued to rag on opposing teams and disagreeable fans. Boy, the Yanks better win now! (By the way, any relation to this Crazy Yankee Chick?) Allen Barra suggested Reggie Jackson has been replaced by A-Rod as Mr. October; commenters strenuously debated.

Sexy Halloween costumes for little girls are just too easy a target, so we went big with the 10 Worst Halloween Costumes So Far. A human Facebook costume and a bacon suit forced us to update it.

We fouled our own nest by reporting on Michael Musto at the Miss Lez Pageant.

Talk talk: conversations with Lauren Ambrose (Six Feet Under, Where the Wild Things Are), “Goop and Gore” artist Francine Spiegel, Marisa Acocella Marchetto (Cancer Vixen)

Also in crime, a new arrest in the Kevin Miller shooting, a stabbed livery driver, an 11-year-old died in an alleged DUI, a new bias attack and fake meter readers in Queens, a DUI charge against that 0%-alcohol cop, and a massive mortgage fraud bust.

Prayers and hopes for the still-missing Lisa Kett, 13.

R.I.P Miriam Friedlander and this week.