Think conservatives aren’t funny? Pajamas TV star Andrew Klavan is here to prove you wrong. Klavan starts by saying he will “set aside the usual mirthful merry-making,” but you can tell by the twinkle in his eye it’s a set-up. Sure enough, he describes his “sexual relations with David Letterman’s wife,” during which Mrs. Letterman says things like “Here’s a trick I’ve never shown Dave.” Klavan then steps back: “Well, look, it’s not like I’m Roman Polanski… and Hollywood defends Polanski.” Wait, there’s more: “A world without sexual shame soon becomes a world not, unfortunately, of endless physical pleasure, but of unrestrained predators, victims without recourse, and children without hope and support.” (Pause for laugh.)
In closing, Klavan posits “four simple rules for running your sex life so it doesn’t piss me off.” One of them: “Rape is one of the lowest of crimes because it deprives others of their personal choices in order to satisfy your own craving for power. It’s like being a Democrat!” Also like being a Democrat: Child rape. Klavan also doesn’t want to pay for your abortions and sexually transmitted diseases. Thanks, try the veal.