Let’s Cast The Miss Saigon Movie

So producer Paula Wagner is starting to prepare the inevitable movie of the Broadway smash Miss Saigon–the most popular bunch of wet Saigon noodles in history–and Precious director Lee Daniels reportedly might direct.

Does that mean he’ll cast Mo’Nique as the shy Vietnamese girl who turns prostie for the first time? Will she demand $100,000 for every languid arm gesture and pertly pursed lip?

No, let’s get real. There are some people they obviously should cast in these roles.

As the cute Sargeant: James Franco. Yes, he can play straight people once in a while.

As the sleazeball MC, the Engineer: Russell Brand. I want to shower just thinking about it.

And as Kim, the first-time prostie: I have no idea! Help! Who’s young, Asian, innocent, shady, and can sing?