Cheek, in Review: 7 Days of Runnin’ Scared


Twitpic by StWiltshire.

The last full week of the election campaign was sorta fun — as it should have been with Mayor Bloomberg spending $37,000 an hour on it. And it worked: the big papers endorsed him, as did another Democrat, and polls showed him way out of Bill Thompson‘s reach. We still suggested he get testy in his remaining debate — and he did! (So did Thompson.) Tom Robbins saw a creepy similarity between Bloomberg ’01 and Bloomberg ’09 and found the Mayor less than informative; Wayne Barrett noticed Thompson’s “labor bank” problems and ethics issues. Bloomberg opponents envisioned an eternal Bloomberg mayorality. But face it: even yet another Bloomberg appointee copping a plea touches him not. Jimmy Walker couldn’t get away with what Bloomberg does, because he just acted like he was rich.

They also had election fun in Jersey, where third-partier Chris Daggett found himself hidden on the ballot, and upstate, when Conservative insurgent Doug Hoffman topped a friendly poll, then almost topped a less-friendly one.

In other political nonsense, the ACORN-crackers came after the Working Families Party while Rudolph Giuliani endorsed one of its candidates, Debi Rose accused an opponent of running against her, conservatives peddled a bogus Obama thesis and an alleged ban of Fox News from Congress, Governor Paterson summoned the legislature to discuss budget cuts, Hiram Monserrate‘s girlfriend wanted to cuddle while his former friends wanted him gone, and a Staten Island Beep candidate, unable to debate his opponent, debated a zookeeper instead.

But forget all that — it’s World Series Fever! The Yankees having dispatched the Angels, the cracked concrete of Yankee Stadium played host to the Phillies. Ever-thoughtful Allen Barra mused on the Black Sox, then called it for the Yanks in 6. (He also told us why the Knicks will suck this year.) Local tabs derided “Silly-delphia” (Crazy Yankee Chick rogered that), then panicked when the Phils won a game. We counseled a back-up girlfriend for A-Rod. Who knows if they tried it, but the Yanks evened the Series. And that sex-for-ducats dame got her tickets in the end, so as usual love conquers ball.

Oh, and Happy Halloween (or as we know it around here, Bottled Water Deposit Day). We pre-celebrated with an Amelia Earhart horror story, jack-o-fetuses, 80-pound iPhone costumes, and a religious lesbian porn Dracula sequel. Boo!

Studies in Crap observed the season with the grisly Paint Me the Story of Frankenstein coloring book.

Swine Flu stayed in the news: the state backed off making health workers take the shots, then declared a state of emergency. We suggested Purell neti.

Mets fans got no breaks: Bobby Valentine lost out on the Cleveland job.

In religious news, director Paul Haggis denounced Scientology (which faith was declared a fraud in France), a pagan represented the GOP in a council race, and Larry David peed on Jesus.

We had conversations with Bill Maher, mayoral candidate Reverend Billy, Project Runway‘s Kenley Collins, author Julie Klam (Please Excuse My Daughter), blogger/photographer Scott Schuman, Real Housewife Alex McCord, comedy troupe Elephant Larry, tattoo artist Scott Campbell, fashionistas Philippe von Borries and Justin Stefano, and photographer Nathan Kensinger.

Somebody Got Murdered on Eastern Parkway and at Rockaway and Hegeman in Brooklyn, and on St. Nicholas Avenue in Manhattan.

Rachael Ray fed the children. A preacher bit a cop on the Staten Island Ferry. A couple snatched their son. Newspapers got deader. A hero turned terrorist? The birthers lost a big one. Freelancers won one, lost one. A Muslim lady slashed her husband because he got her to eat pork and drink booze.

Have a great All Hallow’s Eve, but beware the vampire fleshlight.