News & Politics

Last-Minute Halloween-Ruining Ideas from Runnin’ Scared

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Here to ruin your Halloween is Chirstian Kimberly Daniels who, in an essay on “The Danger of Celebrating Halloween,” calls the frightfest “dedicated to darkness” and “an accursed season,” and maintains that “Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.” Hasn’t she heard about the jack-o-fetuses?


Daniels may have a point. Get a load of the short-skirted, high-booted costume worn by Miley Cyrus’ sister Noah at a Toys-R-Us event. Woof! Noah Cyrus is 9 years old.


An Australian news site says Cyrus’ costume is “not dissimilar to those available on adult costume websites.” They may be thinking of Halloweenstreet’s Wednesday Addams costume, modeled above at what seems like a really swell party. There’s a little kid in all of us at Halloween, isn’t there? Or vice-versa…

Here’s another one from Yandy.com, the “Sexy Robin,” which seems designed less for parties and more for private reenactments of Dr. Fredric Wertham’s Seduction of the Innocent.


Sexycostumes offers an Adult Alice in Wonderland, originally known as the Courtney Love ca. 1989 costume. Taking things further is 3wishes, which has an “Ella Mental” institution outfit complete with “Bellevue” cap and a straight jacket: “Arms can be Crossed in Front and Velcro to Back.” Woof, again. Those celebrating alone can “finish off” the evening with the “Crazy Vampire Fleshlight With Fangs.” It’ll liven up both your Halloween and your next yard sale.


We’ll close with something much less sexy, our Worst Halloween Tie-In of the Year: “Halloween Fears: Ghosts, Goblins and … BlackBerry(R) Blur?” A WellPoint survey reveals that “adults too fear the things they can’t see: difficult to read BlackBerry text and fuzzy caller ID… Should their bosses be fearful too? Turns out they should,” because their employees might dial a wrong number, or address a male client as “Madam” like Mr. Magoo. Thus, “According to the Vision Council of America, vision disorders alone account for more than $8 billion in lost productivity each year.”


You might really learn to associate Halloween with vision loss when confronted with Rosie O’Donnell dressed as Glinda the Good Witch. Oh well, time for the first of several Creepy Cocktails.