Black Friday Fails to Save America; Cyber Monday Our Last Hope


Apparently you cheap bastards didn’t shop hard enough to move the needle this weekend — or shopped not well but too wisely, scarfing up bargains when America needed grotesque impulse purchases to pull out of its economic nosedive. The National Retail Foundation says more shoppers spent less: “average spending over the weekend dropped to $343.31 per person from $372.57 a year ago,” so despite busier streets, totoal spend was around $41.2 billion — virtually unchanged from last year.

So now it’s all about Cyber Monday. Shop from your job! Management experts like Dr. Claire Simmers of St. Joseph’s University are telling your boss to be cool about it

“For an employer to police that kind of activity is nearly impossible,” she says. Besides, letting you shop during work hours is a trade-off for — we can admit it, now that the economy’s on the line — working you to death. “If an employee spends an hour surfing the Net, but an entire weekend working on a report,” says Dr. Simmers, “there should be trust that both are equally benefiting from this relationship.”

Yeah, equally, right! Now go get 20 percent off the iPod Touch! And look, they even found some Zhu Zhus, previously thought extinct, to lure you to the virtual mall.

Forget those naysayers who tell you Cyber Monday “has never been the biggest online shopping day” — the stock market seems to believe in it, so why shouldn’t you?