“Tiger Woods having an alleged affair?” asks the Examiner. OK, we’ll be the first to say it. Tiger Woods is having an alleged affair! But is he having an actual affair? Questions remain. The Orange County Register has “Tiger Woods Mistress Pictures & Joe Namath’s Dog,” presumably not in the same shot.
“If Tiger Woods hit the windshield when he smashed up his Cadillac Escalade,” updates the Orlando Sentinel, “…he didn’t do so hard enough to break the glass.” So where’d he get the lacerations? Doctors want medical records, hint at domestic violence. If he were a football player, this would be amusing, but he’s a golfer — they’re the sensitive poets of sport. Arnie’s Army was actually a team of bodyguards. Look it up!
All right, lets switch to deepthink: the Times sees “A Wedge [ha!] Between Woods and the Public.” Various experts advise Woods and the media. Our two cents: cooperate with police, and announce you are a gay American. That always throws them off.
Finally, “Elin Nordegren Tiger’s Wife Fake Nude Photos.” Ah: closure.