News & Politics

Giuliani Will Advise City of Rio on Dealing With Squeegee Men, Murder


While he’s deciding whether to run for anything and if so what — word is, “no” and “the Senate” — former Mayor Giuliani’s taken a gig as a safety consultant to the city of Rio, which recently won the 2016 Olympics gig.

It’s a big challenge, as Rio is far more dangerous than New York was when Giuliani made his reputation for crime-cutting there. Rio recorded 2,069 murders last year, and in 2007 things got so out of control that the local governor asked for the army to intervene….

Word is that Giuliani plans to first round up all the squeegee men (or, as they’re known in Rio, the adult male population), put them in orange Business Improvement District jumpsuits, and read City Journal articles to them until they crack.

Yesterday the former Mayor “visited a slum.” Imagine the poor, terrified families confronted with Rudolph Giuliani — particularly if he was flashing his awful rictus grin. Please, please, please God, if you love us, let him be kidnapped, and let the collection of his ransom go like that of Tony Quinn in The Happening.

Most Popular