Get out your Tums, kids, because this one’s gonna hurt.
You see, in 1969, screen legend Katharine Hepburn played designer Coco Chanel in the splashy Broadway musical Coco.
I always regretted having missed that one, but thanks to the above YouTube clip from that season’s Tony awards, I no longer lose sleep over the loss.
The number has a mind-numbing array of svelte women (and one semi-chubette) parading around in red outfits to drearily overarranged elevator music. Stick that out, though, because then comes the prize: La Hepburn croaking out a few showstopping lyrics with a lack of musicality that makes Rex Harrison look like Caruso by comparison.
No wonder the Tony voters decided that Lauren Bacall‘s slightly less atonal belch-singing in Applause was more palatable that year.
They should have called this show Loco!