Who knows what Paula Deen gets up to when she’s not deep-frying butter or getting hit in the face with a ham. She very well could be an excellent pole dancing teacher. She probably is not, of course. But the short story by Erin Hershey entitled, Pole Dancing with Paula Deen, Y’all!, published on McSweeney’s, kind of makes you wish she were.
OK now, you’re going to grab on to your pole about head-height, swing yourselves out and WRAP your body around the pole–that’s right, just wrap yourself around it like a slice of bacon ’round an ear of sweet corn. Good, y’all! Now kick up that outside leg and float around to the ground … nice and light, just like you’re folding mayonnaise into sour cream. That’s it!