If you’re Jewish, Christmas often means being left behind at the office to cover for all the happy gentiles on vacation, and wandering the empty streets, giftless and alone, to forage for a good hot meal (hello, chow mein). But thanks to the fun-loving folks of Heeb Magazine (subtitled The New Jew Review), those lonely nights are over. Tonight, hear comedic tales of Jewish life at Heeb Storytelling, featuring Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling (The Howard Stern Show), Jordan Carlos (The Colbert Report), comedian Jessi Klein, Onion writer Aaron Kheifets, stand-up comic DC Benny, and writer Peter Hyman (The Reluctant Metrosexual), among others. Then, the craziest party happening on Christmas Eve is Heebonism, with DJs, live performances from the Shondes and Chevonne, and free vodka pouring for the first hour to loosen you up for a game of Strip Dreidel. L’Chayim! ‘Heeb Storytelling,’ tonight at 7, Joe’s Pub, 425 Lafayette Street, joespub.com, $15; ‘Heebonism,’ December 24 at 8, Fontana’s, 105 Eldridge Street, heebmagazine.com, $20–$25

Wed., Dec. 23, 7 p.m.; Thu., Dec. 24, 8 p.m., 2009