Yeah it’s Christmas, but it’s also the dawn of the first of many, many maddeningly inconclusive conversations you’re about to have about your New Year’s plans. Let this guide help you. We’re out of here for the day, and back on Monday. Enjoy the long weekend.
Our New Year’s guide, below. Anything we missed? Feel free to add ’em in the comments.
Patti Smith & Her Band at Bowery Ballroom 18+. $55.
Screaming Females, Talk Normal, Frankie Rose, CSC Funk Machine downstairs, Jonathan Toubin DJing in the cafe at Cake Shop. 21+. $15. 9pm.
Philippe Cohen Solal, MKL, and Love Trio at Nublu, 62 Avenue C.
Passion Pit DJ set at Pianos. Three hour open bar. $60.
Follow Jonathan Toubin around: 1) A.R.E. Weapons, The Hunt, Bosco Delrey at Home Sweet Home, 131 Chrystie St. 10pm-very early. $5. Svedka open bar 11pm-12am, and many DJs, including Jonathan Toubin. . . 2) Motor City 127 Ludlow 10pm-12pm next day. Free. DJs Jonathan Toubin and Josh Styles. And 3) (see Cake Shop).
The Detroit Cobras and The A-Bones at Mercury Lounge. 21+, 11pm, $25a/$30d.
Beard and mask disguise dance party with Lee Burridge at Santos’ Party House. 9pm. $50-$125.
The Word at Terminal 5, 610 W 56th Street. $50.
Gretchen Parlato at Jazz Gallery, 290 Hudson Street. 8pm and 10:30pm. $100 first show/$80 second show.
Greg Giraldo at Comix, 353 W 14th Street. 7:30-9pm and 10:30-11:55pm. $45-$149.
“A Taste of Latin Paradise” at S.O.B.’s, 204 Varick Street. Performances by Velly Bahia & Karzwa Band and La Excelencia & Stil, with a three-tiered pricing plan for what time you’re allowed in and whether you’re allowed to sit on a chair. $30-$150.
Los Lobos at City Winery, 155 Varick Street. 11pm. $75-$225.
Willie Graff at Cielo, 18 Little West 12th Street. $50.
Disco Biscuits at Nokia Theatre. 16+, $69.
Fischerspooner at The Fillmore at Irving Plaza. 16+.
Three sports bars, same party: At the Village Pourhouse, (64 3rd Avenue West), Pourhouse Upperwest (982 Amsterdam Ave.), and the SideBar (120 E 15th St.). Pay $75, or $20 for the uptown spot. Open bar starts 9pm.
Sparkle New Years at 92YTribeca. $15. 8pm. “Music, comedy and more.” We think the “more” is a light show?
Titanic 2010 at Town Tavern, 134 West 3rd St. $10/hr. Open bar. Yup, the only New Year’s Eve party that runs on the same clock as a temp.
Red and Black Masquerade Ball at Don Hill’s, 511 Greenwich Street. $15. The Michael T/hot body contest party. You must wear a mask. It’s also strongly recommended that you test your gag reflex on the “thematic suggestions” for outerwear: red & black lingerie, pinstripe gangster with red carnation, tuxedos, red gowns, black prom dresses, etc. Not to be confused with. . .
Black and White Masquerade Ball at SoHo Grand, 310 West Broadway. $150. Yep, tack a zero on the end of the Red and Black and you apparently get Black and White, and no face mask requirement. Douchebag requirement, maybe. DJs Nima Yamini and Kacie Schiffer.
Mariah Carey at Madison Square Garden, 4 Penn Plaza. 9 pm. $65.75-$175.75.
Sandra Bernhard at Joe’s Pub, 425 Lafayette Street. 9 pm and 11 pm. $100-$150.
Gilbert & Sullivan Favorites at Peter Jay Sharp Theater, 155 W. 65th Street. 8 pm. $70-$90
Hampson, Gershwin, Copland & Broadway at Avery Fisher Hall, 10 Lincoln Center Plaza, 7:30 pm. Sold out!
Paul Van Dyk at Roseland Ballroom, $100-$700.
Real Housewife at China Club, $75-225. Hang with Danielle Staub, a Real Housewife of New Jersey.
Playboy Party at Highline Ballroom. $75-200.
Moomia, 157 Lafeyette St., $65. Open bar 8pm-1am.
DJ Richie at Southern Hospitality, 1460 2nd Ave., $80. Open bar 9pm-2am.
Ghost Mall, Liturgy, Ava Luna, Terror Pigeon Dance Revolt, The Dead Virgins (members of The So So Glos), Blastoids, Never Heard of Zeppelin, Blissed Out. At Shea Stadium. 10pm-7am. Liturgy at midnight.
No Cover New Years Eve at Legion Bar, 790 Metropolitan Ave. Open bar at 9pm.
Team Robespierre, Kabona Zombies, Violent Soho, Pregnant at Bruar Falls, 245 Grand St. 21+. 8pm. $10.
33 Black Angels, The Hoa-Hoa’s, Hobson’s Choice, Hollands at Don Pedro, 90 Manhattan Ave. 21+.
Golden Triangle at Glasslands, 289 Kent Ave. 21+. 9pm.
Antibalas at Knitting Factory, 361 Metropolitan Ave. All Ages. $25
Excepter at Monkey Town. 21+. $10. It’s not the first time they’ve said it, but this may truly be (one of) the last show(s) at Monkey Town.
Obits and Eli Paperboy Reed & The True Lovers at The Bell House, 149 7th Street. 21+. $40.
The Rub DJ trio at Old American Can Factory, 232 3rd Street. $25.
Gemini & Scorpio present The Bootleggers’ Ball at Green & Green Insurance Co, 450 Union Street. Get your “depression glamour” on. 8pm-6am.
If your night hinges on finding the right company for your recreational drugs, Transmutation is your best bet. At a “secret Brooklyn warehouse,” the party promises a slew of DJs from 10pm til 8am, over 30 art installations, and “walking artworks.” $20-$30.
Murray Hill variety show at Galapagos Art Space, 16 Main Street. With DJ Mel Huckabee after midnight, and various forms of entertainment (burlesque) before. 10:30pm-2:00am. $25-$100.
Baltimore club DJ Scottie B at Savalas, 285 Bedford Avenue. Free. With High Voltage’s Dimitry & Rok One. Free Colt45 at midnight.
Q-tip and Dam Funk at Brooklyn Bowl, 61 Wythe Avenue.
Soulive, Lettuce, Nigel Hall at Music Hall of Williamsburg, 66 N 6th St. 18+. $32.50. North 6th Street is officially pledging the hacky sack frat.
Dean & Britta at Southpaw, 125 5th Avenue. 18+. 7pm. $20a/$25d.
The Felice Brothers at Southpaw, 125 5th Avenue. 21+. 10pm. $35a/$40d.
Obits, Eli Paperboy Reed & The True Lovers at The Bell House, 149 7th St. 21+. 8pm. $30a/$40d.
Lemonade, Surfer Blood, Frankie & The Outs, Beach Fossils, We Are Country Mice at The Cameo Gallery. 21+. $15. If this isn’t the best show on New Years (see Shea Stadium), it will certainly wear the thickest glasses and the skinniest jeans.
Project Jenny / Project Jan at Union Hall, 702 Union St. 21+. $20a/$25d.
Famous Friends’ New Years with Trouble & Bass, Party Like Us Records, at Europa, 98 Meserole Ave. Have some cocaine with that countdown. Hosted by Finger on the Pulse, with AC Slater, B.Rich, Udachi, The Captain, Star Eyes, Jubilee, VDRK, Bradley D.
Truly terrible ideas
Last Hoorah at Tavern on the Green. General admission $150. The general admission is apparently the going municipal rate for New Years sanctioned cash-burn, but the $35k price tag for passage into “The Owner’s Room” of a financially ruined institution is the most offensive way to piss away recession money in the financial capital of the world on the most excessive night of the year.
Mariah Carey presents New Years 2010 at M2 Ultra Lounge. GA: $115. Open bar 9pm-2am. Nick Cannon will be there. Someone who spent $10k on a “private mezzanine skybox” will also be there.
Mister Saturday Night, at Market Hotel, 1142 Myrtle Avenue. $50. Open bar. Last we checked, Market Hotel carried the kind of alcohol you use to clean your door knobs, and ventilation was pending. No objections to dumping $10 on some Brooklyn band and a hangover. . . but $50?
The Penthouse at the Hotel on Rivington, 107 Rivington St. $150. Open bar 9pm-2am. The ChainSmokers, a DJ duo, and Roxy Cottontail throw a thing that includes “The Penthouse Exclusive VIP Table” for $5k.
40/40 Club, $65.33-3266.25. For those sofa combers with some serious coin change to burn, may we suggest Jay-Z’s “mega sports-lounge,” with an entry pricelist that reads like the dewy decimal system. Relative spendthrifts will drop $65.33 to enter, but for the Jay-Z lounge, try $1633.13. Only the serious pocket change trolls may enter the ESPN Hall of Fame Lounge ($3266.25).
There’s a “Times Square All Access Pass” that allows you passage to some of the “best” clubs. . . in Times Square. Prices range from $325 (start at Bryant Park Grill at 8pm) to $235 (Diving Bar, 9pm), but also include places like Mars 2112, “rated #1 themed nightclub in Times Square,” and Espace, the “most exclusive party in the heart of Times Square.” There’s also the Hawaiian Tropic Zone party (yes, the sun screen), and if all else fails, included in that all access pass is entrance to “America’s largest TGI Fridays. . .” in Times Square. If you like curly fries with your champagne, then $425 buys you a “private VIP table for two.”
If you’re really set on this Times Square thing, consider the comparatively reasonable Chuck Berry show at B.B. Kings Blues Club and Grill. ($110-140, 8pm).
After Chuck, enjoy the Canadian jam band The New Deal at the same place. 1am. $40.
The Outer Rim
Go to Jersey: Roky Erickson, Muck & The Mires at Maxwell’s. $35.
Get on a boat: The Temptress chugs around the harbor. $250 for a seat, and $185 to envy the people with seats.
Titus Andronicus, The So So Glos Mercury Lounge, 21+, 1:30am, $15.
MSTRKRFT at Webster Hall. 21+, 3am, $60.
DJ Camilo at Highline Ballroom, $40, 2am-7am