Well, here’s some good news: if you’re on the New York State Thruway between 11 p.m. this New Year’s Eve and 7 a.m. the following day, and you need to sober up, the Thruway’s travel plaza concessionaires will, as they have for 40 years of New Year’s Eves, give you free coffee and tea.
We kid, of course. The press release from the Thruway Authority actually discourages you from driving drunk, and adds that the State Police “maintains a zero-tolerance stand on intoxicated driving violations and our Troopers will be out in force this holiday weekend.” They just want to encourage you to “take frequent safety breaks while traveling to avoid drowsy driving.” Everyone knows coffee won’t keep you awake behind the wheel.
Just don’t go into the rest stops stinko — or even just slurring your words like Max Baucus — because we suspect this is some sort of trap.
And if you do get the free coffee, don’t drink it behind the wheel.