Or something like that. For the fifth, face-obliterating week, the UK siren Susan Boyle is #1 on our charts, selling 510,000 records this week, and 2,982,000 overall — proof if there was ever proof that all records should be targeted at elderly people who don’t know how to steal their music via the Internet. But we digress. Boyle’s nearly three million mark puts her perilously close to industry darling and previously untouchable 2009 sales champ Taylor Swift, whose Fearless is hanging on at the top of the year’s sales chart by a scant 175,000 copies. With the benefit of 2009’s famous 53rd week, Boyle might just eclipse Swift’s 3,157,000-and-counting mark on the final day of the year and thus prove once and for all that Americans are as idiotic as their British counterparts — counterparts who just certified James Blunt’s Back To Bedlam as the UK’s best selling record of the decade. Wall to wall ballads, world! Mortality is upon us!
In other news, Boyle’s dominance just claimed its second diva, after Alicia Keys’ #2 debut last week. This week it’s Mary J. Blige’s Stronger With Each Tear that’s stuck with the runner-up spot, selling a very respectable and presumably holiday-fueled 330,000 copies. But there’s a silver lining here. That Young Money record we were so excited about last week? #9 in the country! With a not-at-all-bad showing of 142,000, meaning it passed the dreaded Jadakiss threshold. They even beat Michael Buble! 2010 is going to be different, everybody!