New York

What’s With All The Wipes?


The world has turned into one giant butt and everyone’s approaching it with miles and miles of wipes.

You know, Clorox Wipes or Glass Plus Wipes or Lysol Disinfecting Wipes (“kills flu virus”) or any kind of wipes, all designed to scrub any imaginable surface into sparkling cleanness.

I’m talking pre-soaked towelettes that you pull out of a big, neon-colored canister and whisk all types of doo-doo away with.

Whoop de doo-doo!

What was wrong with just spraying some Fantastik on a paper towel? Was that too hard for people?

Or how about just some soap on a sponge?

Do you really think passing some Wipes across a desktop means you won’t get the flu? Hey, maybe if you wipe off your bathroom sink, you won’t get AIDS!

And do folks not realize that if you leave the Wipes container open and out too long, after a while the shit becomes as dried out and useless as an old dog’s vagina? And you have to end up spraying Fantastik on them???

Let’s wipe away all Wipes before they scrub out our humanity!

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