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Tiger Had Gay Sex! Mariah Gave A Drunken Speech! Artie Lange Stabbed Himself Nine Times!

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Those three stories have been floating around the windmills of gossip mongers’ minds in the last few days, so I thought I’d address them by lumping them all together and asking which one captivates your nosy noggin the most:

*The ex girl-toy shopping a book in which she claims Tiger doesn’t care WHAT hole he puts it in?
*MARIAH’s woozy speech at the Palm Springs Film Awards, not to mention her refusal to stand up when the great HELEN MIRREN went to congratulate her?
*Or poor ARTIE LANGE’s failed suicide bid, a heartbreaking twist for another comedy zhlubb with a plus-sized problem?

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