I Finally Had a Colonoscopy!


And it wasn’t that bad, kids.

Everything people say about the procedure is totally true: You’re put out right before they invade your innards and unlike with certain sexual encounters, you feel absolutely nothing. You wake up with a smile, it’s all over, and your butt doesn’t even hurt!

But unfortunately, what they say about the day before is true too.

It’s utter hell! Mind you, it didn’t bother me that much to take the two prescribed pills and down eight glasses of that slimy liquid that clears you out like a popped balloon.

But not being able to eat that entire day, except for clear broth and Jello, was hideous on my nerves! I was so desperate for a burger deluxe, a sausage omelette, or a teeny little personal pan pizza that I felt I was making some Gandhi-like sacrifice by avoiding all that stuff and sticking to the liquids.

The good news is that I lost a whole pound as a result. The bad news is that I’ve gained three pounds since!

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