Don’t Break Up, Brangelina! We Need You!


When Brangelina became an item way back in ’04, we resented them for hurting poor, beloved Jennifer Aniston‘s feelings, and also for taming wild child Angelina into a preachy mother of 9,000 kids and an agenda.

But then we got used to the changes and stopped missing the vials of blood and public displays, and settled into accepting these two glamourpots as the reigning duo of Hollywood and all of its glossy contradictions.

I needed them! They gave me solace! They were my shelter!

So when rumors recently surfaced that they were splitsville, I went into shock, even though Britain’s News of the World tabloid generally isn’t any more solid a source for news stories than my aunt Virginia’s drunken late-night phone calls.

Suddenly, I had no one to look up to as the reigning power couple with a cause except maybe Susan and Tim (whoops!) or Reese and Jake (Nope!) or Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner (uh-uh) or…

Can’t you see why we needed Brangelina???

And now that it appears the rumors were crap and they’re still a torrid team, let me join their 9,000 children in saying “Yay! Thank God! Thank Hollywood!”

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