We know schools are supposed to be “Gun-Free Zones,” but this is ridiculous. A Staten Island fourth grader, Patrick Timoney, was nearly suspended yesterday for having a LEGO set that included a toy gun that was all of two inches long.
Principal Evelyn Matroianni caught him with the miniature firearm in the P.S. 52 cafeteria in South Beach, dragged the 9-year-old to her office, and reportedly told the kid’s mother that Patrick was looking at hard away-from-school time.
The principal consulted with a Department of Education official, who told her to lay off, thank God, but a DOE spokesman told the Staten Island Advance that “toy guns are not allowed in schools” and that Patrick would not be allowed to bring it back in. And we’re sure he doesn’t want to be a youthful toy-gun offender.
No one’s sure if the tiny gun came with the LEGOs or if Patrick got it from a street dealer (the kid’s probably too terrified to talk). There are adult-size LEGO guns; Jeremy Bell of Toronto got one last December and took it to his office, where he was “cuffed, pulled into the stairwell and thrown against the wall” by a SWAT team after a neighbor ratted him out. The hoser cops let him go when they found out it wasn’t real, which puts them one up on the Staten Island principal.
The punch line: Patrick’s mother notes that another child had an action figure that was holding an ax, but he didn’t get in trouble. What are Patrick’s action figures supposed to do now that they’re disarmed by the Nanny State? Consider it a parable, citizens!