Here we have the gala Simon Cowell-produced R.E.M. cover, starring Susan Boyle, Mariah Carey, Michael Buble, Leona Lewis, Rod Stewart, and a gaggle of not-as-famous people. Not a good look. I don’t have any problems until James Blunt shows up, and no major problems until Jon Bon Jovi starts howling the “Don’t throw your hand” part, whereupon I have several major problems indeed. The Quietus, too, is not amused. Please leave Haitian release efforts to the experts, folks. Like Wyclef Jean.