News & Politics

Jenny Sanford’s Top Ten Reasons Her Husband, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, Is a Really Bad Person


The top ten reasons Mark Sanford, disgraced adulterous Governor of South Carolina, is a horrible human being, according to his former campaign manager and soon-to-be-ex-wife Jenny’s new book…

10. He had his friends at “The Fellowship”, who know something about moralistic cheating politicians, do their marriage counseling. Her handler advised her that God wanted her to deal with his adultery and her huge public humiliation by being forgiving, not confronting him and definitely not withholding sex.

9. While he was nagging her to let him visit with his mistress in New York, he told her that if he didn’t get the closure he wanted, she was going to “wake up when you are eighty and know you never had a heart connection”

8. “I’ve always slept with my brothers [at the family home on Thanskgiving] and I don’t see why that has to change now that we’re married.”

7. The year they got married, he refused to go to her grandfather’s funeral since he didn’t know the old guy all that well.

6. He asked her to be his campaign manager because it would save the cost of hiring somebody and she could do it at home while she took care of her newborn and toddler.

5. He gave her a picture of half a bike for her first birthday as a married woman. He gave her a picture of the other half for Christmas. Then he gave her a $25 used bike. Another year, he had a staffer pick up a diamond necklace for her birthday. When he saw it, he decided it wasn’t worth what he paid for it and insisted on returning it.

4. After he got on TV and told the world he was in love with the mistress he promised her not to see any more, he called her up and asked her how she thought the speech went.

3. She flies to South Carolina to see him at the family farm while they’re dating. Rather than pick her up at the airport, he leaves a car there for her. It’s a stick. She doesn’t drive a stick. She drove it 50 miles to the farm. He knew she was on her way. He left for a party before she got there.

2. They’re having a baby. They go to Lamaze class. At least, she does. He decided it wasn’t worth his time, since he’s helped plenty of cows to give birth. He blew off the birth. Two weeks later he went mountain climbing with the guys. He may have also helped plenty of cows have tubal ligations, because she got to do that by herself too.

and last but not least,

1. As a presumptive presidential nominee of the future and head of the Republican Governor’s Association, he fought like a wildcat to keep federal stimulus money from going to educating children and keeping the unemployed living indoors while he was flying to haircuts and naughty weekends on the taxpayer’s dime.

No, wait, that’s why I think he’s an awful person. Mrs. Sanford thinks highly of what she calls her husband’s conservative principles. Even made calls after the speech to try to keep him from getting impeached.

She’s rumored to be considering a career in politics.

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