A Flash Forward to the Palin Presidency


It’s 2013 and Sarah Palin has already used her presidency to rip condoms out of womens’ hands because they don’t go well with abstinence, and to round up anyone who looks or sounds like they might have a connection to Al-Qaeda and make sure they only get on one plane–to the great big concentration camp she’s constructed in Wasilla.

But two weeks into her reign, Palin gets an offer from QVC to be an on-air personality and sell appliqued blouses for a day and a half. She can’t do this while President–it simply wouldn’t look right–so she promptly clears out of the White House and takes the gig, desperate for the fabulous exposure and extra moolah!

She’s replaced as our esteemed leader by Vice President Scott Brown, but two weeks into his reign, it’s discovered that he not only did that Cosmo spread, he starred in a series of porn videos in which he was gay-for-pay and what’s more, he has a love child with Rielle Hunter.

So he has to step down–and interestingly he ends up replacing Palin on QVC, selling bejeweled jockstraps for a glorious day and a half!

The next in command, Joe the Plummer, takes over the White House, but he doesn’t show up for his own inauguration!

Help! Bring on the mudslides!

This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on February 9, 2010

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